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I'm sorry, Brian/Bryan Gregory, that confirming the spelling of your name is too much for you to handle

Raymond ChenDecember 7, 2009Dec 7, 200912/7/09

At 10am on November 30, I received a telephone call at work with “Anonymous” as the caller ID. Strange. But maybe it’s the same person who called my office phone from New York at 1am on the day after Thanksgiving and didn’t leave a message,

How to write like Raymond: Start a sentence with a question mark

Raymond ChenOctober 20, 2009Oct 20, 200910/20/09

Another installment in the extremely sporadic series on how to write like Raymond.

I use the question mark as an emoticon to indicate befuddlement or confusion. (This is not to be confused with the use of an inverted question mark in Spanish.) Here’s an imaginary example:

To: Cakes and Cookies Discussion

Hi,

I’m sorry, Brian George, but we got cut off and I couldn’t call you back

Raymond ChenJune 5, 2009Jun 5, 200906/5/09

Yesterday, at 4 o’clock in the afternoon, I receive a telephone call at work. There is that characteristic pause after connecting which tells me that I have probably just been called by a telemarketer.

“Hello?”

—

The social skills of a thermonuclear device: Why did you hang up?

Raymond ChenMay 5, 2009May 5, 200905/5/09

One morning I’m working in my office and I’m interrupted by a telephone call. The caller-ID shows that it came in through the switchboard. (I.e., somebody called the main Microsoft number and asked for me by name.)

Me: Hello?

How to write like Raymond: Intentional typographical errors

Raymond ChenMarch 20, 2009Mar 20, 200903/20/09

I’m a pretty good speller. If I want to show impatience, I will type very fast and make no attempt to fix the typographical errors. Here’s an example: Somebody asked me what the correct name is for a particular user interface element.

Sorry, I don’t get calls on this phone often

Raymond ChenDecember 31, 2008Dec 31, 200812/31/08

Many years ago, I was in a small meeting: It consisted of the project manager, me, and one other person. Just a quick little status meeting to discuss how things were going. We were a few minutes into the meeting when the project manager’s cell phone rang.

How to write like Raymond: What I tell you three times is true

Raymond ChenMarch 21, 2008Mar 21, 200803/21/08

Another installment in the extremely sporadic series on how to write like Raymond.
On occasion, I’ll find myself engaged in a mail thread with a customer who refuses to believe what they’re being told and is under the impression that rephrasing the question will get a different answer.