The wisdom of sev^H^H^Heighth graders: What it means to be an adult

Raymond Chen

Since I’m obviously a glutton for punishment, I also helped read eighth grade essays on the same topic: Describe the qualities you consider to be those which make someone an adult. As always, remember that these are just the funny sentences/excerpts.

Let me tell you about my parents

• My dad looks older for one reason because he has facial hair.
• [My father] doesn’t look young and muscular like most teens do.
• Some people are just plain dumb, but not my dad.
• My dad works at his extremely boring Job every day.
• If you slack on your work and lagger behind you won’t have a good image when people think of you. Fortunately, my dad has covered this quality. Your dad is a slacker?
• He is a photographer so he has to work with a lot of people. Alot of those people are ignorant and stuffy politicians.
• My dad goes down to Seattle practically every day and does stuff I’m not totally sure about but he’s a lawyer.
• My dad is an adult because [he] makes a budget so he can pay the bills on time, so we can keep our house and not get our car toed. It’s called wheel alignment, and toeing is a good thing.
• My dad is an adult partly because he mad it through highschool and collage. I wonder whether he majored in anger management.
• My Dad… !! yayz!
• Three children and a wife can be a real hassle, some people can’t even handle one.
• [Dad] recently had this mid life crisis I believe, he went kind of crazy and bought all this equipment for making music. He made his songs, and then kinda transitioned back to normal.
• He has engendered a family.
• In all te be considered an adult you have to be at or over 18. And I assure you my mom is well over 18.
• College also gave her [my mother] a social experience. This is important because it gave her a dose of adultery. Does your father know this?
• My mom is always my home skillet biscuit. Fo’ shizzle.
• This means that my mom can drive and drink both things together only an adult can do. I take it your mom isn’t a member of MADD.

Entering a no fun zone

• Being immature is like acting like a monkey or making fart noises with your mouth.
• [Adults should be] even keel (that means they don’t go completely berserk if they don’t get dessert)
• You can’t slackoff like you did in middle school.
• No grownup is lazy.
• No more being babied by mommy.
• Movies: OK.
  Teaping: Not OK.
• When adults do work like working in the yard, they can go for hours on end!! Meanwhile we’re in school going insane!
• Hitting isn’t going to solve anything because it’s just going to get you sewed and thrown into the big house. As ye sew so shall ye rip.
• Jobs can be stressful, boring, and horrible especially if you don’t like your job.
• Her job brings in a luxurient amount of money.
• People who still live with their parents when they’re 30 years old are not really adults.
• Go out get a job get a house and start a family. Don’t wait or your gonna end up living with your parents!

It’s harder than I thought

• Emotions make yourself weak and in life only the strong remain.
• I consider one person to be an adult. Wow, pretty exclusive club.
• To be a great adult you should try to resemble Jerry Seinfeld. Is that the one person?
• When I think of the word adult, I think of people like my Dad, my Mom, my teachers, and random parents I know. Like, a lottery?
• A adult should have a decent car like a shiney Corvette with shiney wheels.
• Being grown up is very rare and you might only see it a few times in your life. […] Being [an adult] requires “the look.” When you look into an adult’s eyes and see wariness, regret, stern impassiveness, but most of all, intelligence.
• Believe in your yes and the Believing will make it happen, make you a good leader. Okay, you lost me at the “Believe in your yes” part.
• You need to be social to have friends and have fun as an adult. Instead of “cowering” in a dark corner of your high school reunion.
• You can dive to and from work.
• You have to pay the morgue.
• … independent, responsible, and always goes beyond what he can do. He takes on more than he can handle?

Tautology corner

• An easy way to tell if someone’s an adult is to see how mature they are.
• When you are a child, you have just about no maturity.
• There are numerous reasons why I believe the starting of college is the point you enter college.

Assorted commentary

• Finally, you have to be patient as an adult, because you might have kids you might not, but they are always everywhere.
• Parents are adults, clowns are adults, the ice cream man is an adult, most teachers are adults, and even teachers are adults…. Adults seem to be completely ubiquitous. About as ubiquitous as children, apparently.
• I think that every adult should have a job that gives descent money. How about moral decay money? Can I get that, too?
• When teenagers think “adult” most picture a grown up human being that can vote and drink alcohol until they puke. I’m having second thoughts on that moral decay money.
• Most adults fly off the handle at kids who are obnoxious or at their stupid boss at their stupid work. Having issues, are we?
• It would be hard to live in a world with immature adults. Yet somehow we manage.
• … kids can get away with mistakes, because they’re seen as little dogs who don’t know any better.
• I’d like to live a low-stress life for a few more years before society demands my presence. Enjoy your doghood for a little while longer.
• If I am angry at someone or something, she is always by my side ready to fight. Is this an adult or an anime character?
• Without responsibilities, adults would be just like kids but much taller.
• Some people have all the experience in the world, but they have never analized it. Anal-ization sounds painful.
• Do you want to know what an adult is? Well, I hope so, ‘Cause you’re about to find out!
• Now we’re getting off topic so let’s wrap this up.
• There are probly more things to being an adult but what do I know I just trying to get passed 8th grade.

Misspelling corner. I’ve included more context; that may make the game a bit easier.

• She [Mom] also runs a house with no hunban on the weekdays.
• The thing I don’t like is the chorse that she makes me do.
• … doing buiesness 24/7.
• The Maturatity of Friendship
• … a great person that reflex what a real adult should be like.
• You need responsibleaty to cope with the basicks of every day adulthood.
• There are also some fisual singhs of adults.
• Thoughs people have the maturity of an eighth grader.
• So the next generation has the change to become a secseder in life.

And just so you won’t think all eighth graders are terrible writers:

• The truth of it all is your house is the central gravitational force, pulling bits of your life together.

Raymond Chen

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