Tips for planning your ship party

Raymond Chen

Not saying how I know these things. Just making a little list for reference.

  • If you plan on staying dry, do not hold the party near a fountain. (Note that fountain avoidance is a necessary but not sufficient criterion.)
  • Corollary: If your team members have an armory of super soaker water cannons, and you plan on staying dry, then absolutely do not hold the party near a fountain.
  • Unrolled spools of bubble wrap are a poor choice of equipment when trying to climb from the lobby to the upper floor balcony.
  • After discovering that bubble wrap is unsuitable for climbing, do not upend a glass table in an attempt to gain a higher starting point.
  • A contest to see who can run and break through a plaster wall is not a recommended choice of impromptu amusement.
  • Do not throw a couch from the upper floor balcony. Not even if it’s on fire.
  • Costco underwear does not count as swim trunks.
  • Do not have a tug of war over a vat of Jell-O.
  • The expensive sculpture outside your building is not a water storage tank in need of refilling.
  • Exercise caution when driving your motorcycle through the halls. The carpet damage from your burnout can be repaired, but the patches never really look the same.
  • On the day of the ship party, do not wear a nice suit. You might be thrown into the back of a pick-up truck and buried in ice.

Bonus: Other lessons learned.


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