My friend the seventh-grade teacher is getting married this summer, and when her students learned about the impending nuptials, they couldn’t contain their excitement.

The students asked her if there was going to be a chocolate fountain. Because you can’t not have a chocolate fountain. When they learned that, no, there will not be a chocolate fountain, the students lobbied hard for her to reconsider and please, you have to have a chocolate fountain. The concept of a fancy party without a chocolate fountain defied comprehension. I mean, isn’t a chocolate fountain the definition of a fancy party?

Naturally, the students also wanted to be invited as guests. They are after all, the people the teacher spends the most time with, right? They shared so many experiences: They went on field trips together, they cheered when the school cross country team defeated its longtime rival, they were even there for the great Fire Drill of February ’08. How could they possibly be left out?

The reasons for wanting to attend were different between the boys and the girls. The boys were basically in it so they could camp out by the chocolate fountain and nibble on sweets all day. The girls were drawn in by the opportunity to witness the pageantry of a wedding, the bride in a beautiful gown, the romance of exchanging vows with one’s True Love. Oh, and then to camp out by the chocolate fountain and nibble on sweets all day.