Many of my friends gave names to their unborn babies. Most of them were based on various objects that were the size of the adorable little parasite¹ at the time they discovered that they were pregnant:

• The Peanut
• Gumdrop
• Jellybean
• Blueberry
• Mr. Bean

There were a few outliers, though.

• Tadpole
• Aubergine

That last one takes a bit of explaining. Having grown tired of people asking her what she was planning on naming the baby, my friend made up an absurd name and used it with a straight face. “We’re think of naming her Aubergine, if it’s a girl.” People would respond with a polite but confused “Oh, that’s an interesting name.” Then, still deadpan, she would add, “If it’s a boy, then we’re leaning toward Mad-Dog.” That usually tipped people off that she was just messing with them.

Related:

• Baby Names for Dummies.
• Kindergarten writing exercise from my niece.

¹ A peek behind the curtain: I couldn’t decide whether to write fetus or embryo, and I knew that if I picked one, then people would say that I should’ve picked the other, so I decided to avoid the issue entirely by writing “adorable little parasite”. This is what nitpickers have turned me into.