Pass the whipped partially hydrogenated soybean and coconut oils, please

Kraft “guacamole” contains almost no avocado, preferring instead to use whipped partially hydrogenated soybean and coconut oils, corn syrup, whey, and food starch. (Avocado shows up in the “contains less than 2% of…” section.)

“We think customers understand that it isn’t made from avocado,” said Claire Regan, Kraft Foods’ vice president of corporate affairs.

Way to go, there, Claire, setting high standards for your company. “We think customers understand that none of our food actually is what it purports to be.” Maybe that explains Velveeta. The linked article reminds us that guacamole is a popular dish on Super Bowl Sunday, so when you’re out shopping for your party, make sure you get real guacamole and not avocado-flavored soybean and coconut oils.

Pre-emptive snarky comment: “Oh, right, just like the advertisements for Windows Vista, which said that The Wow Starts Now. I didn’t feel any Wow.”