After the first Harry Potter movie came out, I decided to come up with the world’s worst celebrity recasting of the American version of Harry Potter. (Because as we all know, foreign movies don’t do well in the States; they have to be remade with an American cast.) It’s not so much a dream cast as maybe a nightmare. Some of the choices are inspired; others are inspired lunacy.
| Gryffindor House | |
|---|---|
Harry Potter: Adam Sandler |
Ron Weasley: Ron Howard (Backup: David Caruso) |
Hermione Granger: Debra Messing |
Ginny Weasley: Molly Ringwald |
Neville Longbottom: Drew Carey |
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| Slytherin House | |
|---|---|
Draco Malfoy: Ricky Schroeder |
Crabbe: Matt Damon |
Goyle: Ben Affleck |
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| Hogwarts Staff | |
|---|---|
Dumbledore: Jack Klugman |
McGonagall: Angela Lansbury |
Snape: Keanu Reeves |
Hagrid: Mr. T |
Quirrel: Greg Proops |
Lupin: George Clooney |
Gilderoy Lockhart: William Shatner |
Trelawney: Julia Roberts |
Madam Pince: Christine Baranski |
Flitwick: Danny DeVito |
| Other Students | |
|---|---|
Fleur Delacour: Reese Witherspoon |
Viktor Krum: Luke Perry (Backup: Matthew Perry) |
| Harry’s Family | |
|---|---|
| James Potter: Michael Richards |
Lily Potter: Julia Louis-Dreyfus |
Sirius Black: Viggo Mortensen |
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Vernon Dursley: George Wendt |
Petunia Dursley: Amy Sedaris |
Dudley Dursley: Abraham Benrubi |
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| The Dark Side | |
|---|---|
Lucius Malfoy: Phil Donahue |
Peter Pettigrew: Gilbert Gottfried |
You-Know-Who: Leslie Nielsen |
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