The Growth Mindset<\/a>.\u00a0 The Growth Mindset is an important part of the culture Satya has been trying to engender since he became CEO.<\/p>\nAll day, every day, we get feedback. Sometimes it is direct – someone explicitly tells us. Sometimes it is very subtle – it might be reflected in body language or tone of voice. Or feedback might be reflected in actions or conversations that happen later as a consequence of something we’ve done or said. Feedback may be telling us something we’ve done poorly, could have done better or should have done differently. Or Feedback may be compliments or congratulations. It’s all feedback.<\/p>\n
Actively seek out feedback<\/h3>\n
I like to believe that all of us have the goal of “being the best person we can be.”\u00a0 Each of us gets to define for ourselves what “best” means and it won’t be the same for everyone – and that’s OK.\u00a0 But, if each of us is independently striving to be the best we can be, how do we do that?\u00a0 We can’t determine progress without some measurement and feedback – from our peers, our managers, our team, our friends, our family and yes, even our adversaries.\u00a0 Feedback is critical to gauging the effectiveness of our attempts to “be our best”.<\/p>\n
Not only should we welcome feedback but we should actively ask for it.\u00a0 Some of this is very simple and subtle in our style of conversation.\u00a0 When trying to explain reasoning about something we might stop and ask “Am I making sense?”\u00a0 It’s an invitation for feedback – both on the idea and on the presentation of the idea.\u00a0 We might also ask “Are there any other things we should be considering?” or “Do you have any thoughts, questions or comments?” or any of a multitude of ways of creating an open space for other opinions and for feedback.<\/p>\n
Our invitation for feedback can also be more personal – “Hey, you didn’t seem terribly comfortable in our discussion earlier.\u00a0 Is there anything I could have done differently to make you more comfortable?”\u00a0 Or “Now that this project\/milestone\/event is done, is there anything I can learn from it to improve?”\u00a0 Or “We’ve been working together for a while now, do you have any feedback for me on how I could help make us more successful?”\u00a0 Or, again, any number of other questions that explicitly request feedback on our behavior, actions, communication, judgement or attitude.<\/p>\n
I’ve observed in my life, both at work and outside, that people try very hard to avoid getting feedback.\u00a0 I think there are many reasons people avoid it.\u00a0 Feedback is uncomfortable.\u00a0 Often it is a suggestion on how we can do something better and, therefore, implicitly an indictment of something we didn’t do well enough.\u00a0 I think we also, often, fear that we can’t or won’t know how to address the feedback.\u00a0 I suspect some view it as a sign of weakness – if I ask you for feedback, then I must be implying that you are better than me.\u00a0 Or if you give me feedback, you must think you are better than me.\u00a0 There are probably many other reasons.<\/p>\n
Embrace feedback<\/h3>\n
I have also observed that our initial reaction to negative feedback is defensive.\u00a0 We explain or justify our actions.\u00a0 We try to convince the other person that they are wrong and that there were good reasons we did what we did.\u00a0 Sometimes there are, but now is not the time for it.\u00a0 We make up reasons the person giving the feedback doesn’t have the perspective or experience to understand.\u00a0 We trivialize the issue.\u00a0 One of the most common reactions is we distort the feedback to interpret it as something that we can decide is bad.\u00a0 Let’s take an example.\u00a0 You tell me that I tend to interrupt people in meetings too much (I do BTW).\u00a0 I take that feedback and think, hmm, I’m being told that I shouldn’t say anything in meetings and that I should just let everyone else talk and make the decisions.\u00a0 No, that’s not what you are telling me, but it’s a defensive reaction to turn the feedback into something I can feel comfortable dismissing.<\/p>\n
Another defensive reaction I often see is to turn around and give feedback in return.\u00a0 If someone starts to tell us about something we could be doing better, we turn around and point out things they can do better.\u00a0 It’s another defensive reaction that says “You aren’t better than me.” and helps us feel better about ourselves.\u00a0 Sometimes we do have legitimate feedback for the other person.\u00a0 The time they choose to give us feedback is the wrong time to pull it out.\u00a0 We must focus on taking the feedback and we can make a mental note to come back and give feedback at another time.\nThe first rule of taking feedback is listen and understand.\u00a0 We must learn to tamp down that defensive reaction.\u00a0 We must first hear the feedback with no explanations or disagreements or anything.\u00a0 We must validate the feedback, where appropriate, and not be afraid to acknowledge things we can improve – it’s not a sign of weakness, it’s a sign off self confidence. \u00a0 We must then ask questions to clarify the feedback and make sure we understand what is actually being said.\u00a0 Then it’s good to ask for suggestions on ways to address it and\/or test your own ideas – “How do you recommend I make sure I get a chance to express my opinion without cutting people off?”\u00a0 “Is there someone who does this well that you’d recommend I watch to learn from?”\u00a0 Etc.\nWe must not be afraid to acknowledge things we can improve or things that didn’t go well – it’s not a sign of weakness, it’s a sign off self confidence.\u00a0 I often tell people that feedback is sometimes an “IQ test”.\u00a0 Everyone else already knows it – they are just checking to see if you know it.\u00a0 Refusing to see what everyone else can see plainly undermines our credibility.<\/p>\n
The other day, my wife said to me, “You make me feel stupid when we are herding cows by yelling at me about the things you think I am doing wrong.”\u00a0 I think she was surprised when I said, “I know and I’m sorry.\u00a0 I sometimes get very frustrated and I don’t handle it well.\u00a0 I will work on being better.”\u00a0 We went on to have a conversation about what happens, how she feels and how I might behave differently.<\/p>\n
Of course how feedback is delivered can have a huge effect on our ability to take it.\u00a0 Feedback given in public is always hard.\u00a0 There’s a maxim “Public praise, private criticism” for exactly this reason.\u00a0 Feedback delivered by someone who is angry, sarcastic or aloof can also be very hard to take.\u00a0 These things are all opportunities for you to give feedback on how to give feedback (at a later time, of course).\u00a0 Ultimately, our goal will be to try to look past the style of feedback delivery and focus on the feedback and what we can learn from it.\u00a0 If the style\/forum is really inappropriate, we might suggest that we “take it offline and discuss it further” – when the person is less angry, when we’re not in a meeting with 20 people, when we’re not in front of the kids, …\nOnce we’ve gotten the feedback, clarified it and collected some ideas, it’s time to process that feedback.<\/p>\n
Feedback is feedback<\/h3>\n
This is probably the most subtle point and I don’t know if I can communicate it effectively.\u00a0 At some level, all feedback is valid.\u00a0 It is the perception of another person based on some interaction with us.\u00a0 As such it’s important that we listen, understand and think about how we can improve.\u00a0 Yet, not all feedback is to be taken as given – meaning the person giving the feedback may have heard something that wasn’t true, misinterpreted something, or may simply not have the perspective we have.\u00a0 In the end we are the ones to decide what to do with the feedback.\u00a0 We may decide that the feedback is valid and provides clear ideas for improvement.\u00a0 Or we may decide that we disagree with the feedback but it provides insights into how we could do differently to prevent misperceptions.\u00a0 Or we may decide that the we simply don’t agree with the feedback and we are going to file it away and keep an eye out for future feedback that might make us revisit that conclusion.<\/p>\n
Perhaps my most important point though is that feedback is not a verdict on us as people.\u00a0 It’s input.<\/strong>\u00a0 We control the evaluation of our self worth.\u00a0 That’s not an equation anyone else can compute for us – and, partly, it goes back to my opening where I said each of us gets to define what “our best” is and it’s different for everyone.\u00a0 Receiving feedback is not condemnation of us as people.\u00a0 It is data for us to evaluate, to dwell on and to decide how we want to use it in our journey of self improvement.\u00a0 We can’t measure ourselves by what people think of us but we can’t ignore it either.\u00a0 We need to harvest it.\u00a0 And it’s critical that we remember that just because there’s something we can improve, it doesn’t eclipse the hundreds of things we do well.\u00a0 It’s just an opportunity to add one more thing to that list.<\/p>\nI’ll try to use an example that’s a bit “external” but demonstrates the point.\u00a0 I have this blog.\u00a0 It’s mine.\u00a0 I write it.\u00a0 I own it.\u00a0 However, I often draft posts and then send them around for comment (including this one :)).\u00a0 Some people have very strong feedback on what I should or shouldn’t say, how I should say it, etc.\u00a0 They will sometimes, copy my draft into a Word document and turn on change tracking so they can give me extensive feedback.\u00a0 It’s good.\u00a0 I value it.\u00a0 But, I never paste the Word document into my blog.\u00a0 It’s my blog.\u00a0 It’s my voice.\u00a0 It’s my message.\u00a0 I go through the Word document, read every comment, every re-wording, every deletion, and I decide which I’m going to take and which I am not.\u00a0 Sometimes I don’t like the wording they’ve changed but I understand what they didn’t like about mine and I can see how to reword it in a way that’s still mine but addresses the feedback they had.\u00a0 If multiple people give me the same or similar feedback, I’m more likely to think hard about it – even if I’m inclined to disagree with it.\u00a0 I value the feedback.\u00a0 I thank them for it.\u00a0 I send them back the updated draft (if the changes were significant) and I may, if I dismissed or altered some significant feedback, explain why.\u00a0 But the analogy here is – I’m deciding what’s good and what I want.\u00a0 I welcome feedback and even actively seek it out but I decide how to act on it and I own the result.\u00a0 You can think about all feedback – no matter how personal or impersonal similarly.<\/p>\n
Closure<\/h3>\n
My last piece of advice is, when possible, we should acknowledge feedback and thank people for it.\u00a0 We should also, sometimes later, after we’ve processed it, go back and share our thoughts and actions on how we are going to use the feedback.\u00a0 It’s also good to solicit future feedback – “Thanks a lot for sharing the feedback.\u00a0 Here’s what I heard and here’s what I’m going to try to do.\u00a0 If you see me failing to do those things or if you have other feedback for me, please let me know.”<\/p>\n
Conclusion<\/h3>\n
Feedback is a gift.\u00a0 It doesn’t always feel that way but, putting all the emotions aside, it’s one person trying to help another person be better.\u00a0 It’s not a judgement and it’s not an assertion of superiority, it’s help.\u00a0 We should actively seek out feedback.\u00a0 We should embrace that feedback and understand it.\u00a0 And we should decide what actions we are going to take based on that feedback.\nNo one is perfect.\u00a0 Everyone can improve.\u00a0 Pretending to believe that no one else can find things we can do better only shows our insecurity – it doesn’t convince anyone that we are right.<\/p>\n
Thank you,\nBrian<\/p>\n
P.S. I mostly avoided the topic of how to give good feedback to avoid this getting too long.\u00a0 If people like the idea of this series, I may write a future post on that.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I’m going to try something very non-traditional for my blog. I don’t know if it’s a good idea or not but we’ll give it a go and if everyone hates it, I’ll find a different vehicle.\u00a0 I’ve had a career of roughly 30 years now and I’ve been in countless situations from developer in a […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":244,"featured_media":14617,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-13357","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"acf":[],"blog_post_summary":"
I’m going to try something very non-traditional for my blog. I don’t know if it’s a good idea or not but we’ll give it a go and if everyone hates it, I’ll find a different vehicle.\u00a0 I’ve had a career of roughly 30 years now and I’ve been in countless situations from developer in a […]<\/p>\n","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/devblogs.microsoft.com\/bharry\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13357","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/devblogs.microsoft.com\/bharry\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/devblogs.microsoft.com\/bharry\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/devblogs.microsoft.com\/bharry\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/244"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/devblogs.microsoft.com\/bharry\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=13357"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/devblogs.microsoft.com\/bharry\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13357\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/devblogs.microsoft.com\/bharry\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/14617"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/devblogs.microsoft.com\/bharry\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=13357"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/devblogs.microsoft.com\/bharry\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=13357"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/devblogs.microsoft.com\/bharry\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=13357"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}